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Archive for the ‘grumples’ Category

… I write a mental letter. Thoughts from this week:

Dear yappy dog next door,
I’M COMING FOR YOU.

Dear other drivers,
Your car windows are transparent. I can see you picking your nose with both hands.

Dear students,
Stop a-speakin’ the Spanish in class. Wait and make fun of me when I’m not standing right in front of you.

Dear dog,
I thought your species was supposed to enjoy lying on their people’s feet. WHY WON’T YOU LIE ON MY FEET? They’re cold. Help a sister out.

xoxo,

Me

I just had to pick up my mattress and box spring (queen size, quite large) by myself because everyone else is asleep and one of the slats decided this was a good time to fall out. This isn’t the first time it’s decided to get crazy like that.

If my bed wasn’t the single most comfortable bed in the whole wide world, I’d have given up on it already.

And apparently there’s a forest fire right across the road from my house, it’s been burning for hours. It looks tiny, so this is only of mild concern.

How was your evening?

Books in a series should always have numbers clearly printed on their spines. This way, you can make sure you’re checking out the correct books in the correct order before you even leave the library – instead of getting home and discovering, a week later on Sunday afternoon, that you checked out books one and three instead of one and two.

I’m a cranky cuss lately, aren’t I.

Also, how awesome is online shopping? You guys, I have already done 3/4 of my Christmas shopping from my bed, in my pajamas. We will totally become the fat people in the floaty chairs from Wall-E, and this is how it starts.

Guess what!

Posted on: 11/05/2011

The Internet is a punk! Which is why I did not post last night!

I have failed NaBloPoMo in less than a WEEK, and it is YOUR FAULT, Internet. I leave it to your conscience. Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

Also! I woke up yesterday, and again this morning, feeling like someone had beat the ever-loving snot out of me. My whole body aches for no apparent reason! Isn’t that fun! And seriously, I have not pushed anything heavier than a Walmart buggy or lifted anything heavier than my laptop. (Although, it is a heavy laptop. I’m just saying.) I sound like a groaning octogenarian every time I slowly lift my creaking, cracking body out of a chair! Yay!

Can you get high off Tylenol?! I might be figuring out the answer to that question right now!

On the upside, Daylight Savings ends tonight! Which means I get to sleep in tomorrow and feel like I’m running late everywhere I go for the next week! Wheeeeeeeee!

So, it’s November again! That fact just sort of smacked me in the face a little while ago, as I sit here among my flannel sheets watching season 1 of 30 Rock on Netflix and eating fun size Snickers I snitched from my sister’s candy bag. (What? She has braces, she can’t eat them! I’m doing it to help her out!) So, in spite of the fact that library school is slowly chewing up my brain and spitting it back out, I am gearing up to wade into NaBloPoMo. It was a struggle last year to come up with something every day … and that’s why it didn’t happen … but it was fun too! So I’m trying it again! Although some days you may get a tirade about cataloging and my crazy, nitpicky professor thereof and unenlightened fools who think librarians’ sole function is to know where all the books are.

*seethe*

That last one can really get me going.

I’m dealing with a little residual Halloween-flavored crank today, anyway. I handed out candy at my church’s Trunk or Treat last night (so fun, I love handing out candy!), but it brought me face-to-face with some Halloween pet peeves – that I didn’t even realize I had. It was a night of real self-discovery.

Number one: teenagers who can still legitimately trick-or-treat (barely) but don’t even bother to put forth 5 minutes’ worth of effort. We had teenagers taller than me in everyday clothes lumbering through the line with limp Walmart bags. Really, guys? Do you feel no shame? Taking candy from adorable 3-year-olds in their princess and fireman costumes? If you’re going to trick-or-treat, at least own that crap and wear a ridiculous costume. We’ll all have more fun.

Number two: grown adults trick-or-treating without even a baby in tow. Really? Sad. … Not to mention illegal.

Number three: parents taking their infants trick-or-treating. First of all, if you do/have done this, no condemnation from me. I can appreciate a baby in a fuzzy skunk costume as much as anyone. And if you also have older kids, obviously you get a pass. All I’m saying is, y’all I saw last night collecting a pillowcase full of candy “for the baby?” You get major side-eye. I know who that candy is really for, okay.

Ahh! Now that’s out of my system, I feel so much better. Blogging really is better than therapy, y’all. And so begins NaBloPoMo! Stay tuned.

Can I tell you something that bugs me, for a minute? Oh, wait, of course I can – it’s my blog! HA.

‘Scuse me while I change into my cranky pants.

In the past two weeks I have been to three concerts – an audience member for two, a performer for one. As a performer, you notice how people behave in the audience. Before tonight, all was well. I thought people generally, with a few exceptions, knew how to behave in a concert setting. I thought people had mostly been taught how to respect others. Apparently I was so very wrong.

Tonight Sister sang with the SKMA All-Festival Junior High Choir. It was awesome. Seriously, I didn’t know middle schoolers could have a sound like that. (Video will be up on Facebook soon-ish. Facebook is slow with the uploading of the video.) My family and I, however, must have accidentally seated ourselves in the uncultured barbarian section. We were surrounded by the most annoying people EVER. Seriously. Loud, obnoxious children. Ineffective parents trying to shush loud, obnoxious children but only succeeding in being loud and obnoxious themselves because they are, as I believe I mentioned, ineffective. People bringing in snacks like they’re at a movie theater and not a choral performance in a church. Toddlers running around unchecked until some adult finally decides to catch them, loudly, in the middle of the packed sanctuary, during a song – and then those same adults letting those same toddlers get up and run off again five minutes later. And then when you get up and stand at the back of the room to take video, because you’re a total stage mother in the making, some old man glances at you, sees that you are taking a video, and then proceeds to walk right in front of you so that his big head blocks your camera. Not to mention your typical LOUD STAGE WHISPERING and phones ringing.

Now I don’t know about you, but I learned several things at a very early age. Things like, no food in the sanctuary. And, no running around during a performance of any kind. Plus, if someone is taking a picture, don’t walk in front of them and ruin it. Also, turn your phone off and don’t talk during said performance because you should be – oh, what do they call it … POLITE and RESPECTFUL. I found myself wondering how such people managed to birth children who could participate in and appreciate an event like All-Festival chorus. Because, if you go to a performance, are seated behind me, and exhibit any combination of these behaviors? I will assume that you are a not-very-smart person who, in addition to being rude and disrespectful, is sadly unable to appreciate the arts. And then I will be sorry for you but also want to turn around and gauge out your eyes with a spork.


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