Shy Girl Blogs

When will it stop?

Posted on: 02/16/2009

Okay. Now when you’re dealing with the Internets, it’s best not to name names, so I won’t. Suffice it to say that I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE WHO WILL READ THIS. In spite of this, anonymity is the best policy.

Last week I got the shock of my life. I feel so betrayed, and the thing is, this person … I’ve considered this person a member of my family for years now. I’ve talked to them, spent time with them, looked up to them, wanted to be like them. I thought, here was one person I could depend on.

I know some people are master deceivers. I know some people will come out of left field and do something that just knocks you over. I know this. It’s happened to me. More than once, even! But what I want to know is, where does it stop?

How much do you really know anyone? When someone says they love you, do they really? When they say they’ll always be there, will they? Are they sincere at the time and something changes later that negates everything they’ve said previously? Or are they just playing you the whole time? And how do you tell?

This has really shaken me. And I am pissed. If I saw this person right now, I’d be hard-pressed to keep my hands at my sides, much less my thoughts in my head. I’ve been told not to let others’ versions of what happened color my own perceptions, just in case this person does make some overture to me, but I don’t know if I can do that. I know enough already and let me tell you – you hurt the people I love, you’ve hurt me. And I’m still shocked that this is coming from this person in particular. I never, never saw this coming.

So now it automatically makes me wonder, if this person could do such a thing, who else could turn on me? The small handful of people who have my trust, do they deserve it? Will they throw it back in my face? I know it’s useless to ask these questions, but it’s inevitable. These are the things I worry about when I can’t sleep at night.

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